


Not Long Now

by Dearly_Divided



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: A tiny tiny hint of fluff, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Dreams of a better life, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Star-crossed, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dearly_Divided/pseuds/Dearly_Divided
Summary: There was a moment when they knew. Whether it was the pain or the blood loss or the call of whatever lay beyond death, he’d watch as understanding dawned on them - they were dying. There wasn’t going to be a last minute reprieve, nobody was coming to save them and even if they did, some injuries you just couldn’t come back from.And Rook, his darling little Deputy, tried to hide it from him.
Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge/John Seed
Comments: 15
Kudos: 64





	Not Long Now

John had seen men die before. There was a look they’d get in their eyes just before they slipped away, it wasn’t fear, it was something… worse, deeper - more primal. A terrified desperation that chilled to the core no matter how many times he saw it. He’d killed men before and every time… he never flinched at the bloodshed, or even at the thought of ending a life. Sometimes it was necessary, sometimes no matter how hard he scrubbed, some people would never be clean. And for the most part, he understood that, understood his role in it. 

But every time he saw that glazed over, wide eyed terror, he’d get this feeling in his gut, only for a moment, but he’d watch as that understanding hit and for one _single_ heartbeat, he’d feel it too and he _hated_ it. He didn’t want to pity them, he didn’t want to feel their fear, to know that their lives were all so fragile, and that by extension, so was his.

Once, he’d thought about asking Jacob if he felt it too, if that was why his brother had become a haunted shell in the aftermath of the war and everything since. Of course, he’d chickened out at the last second. He wasn’t sure what would be worse - Jacob admitting that he did, or him laughing at John for being _soft_.

There was a moment when they knew. Whether it was the pain or the blood loss or the call of whatever lay beyond death, he’d watch as understanding dawned on them - they were dying. There wasn’t going to be a last minute reprieve, nobody was coming to save them and even if they did, some injuries you just couldn’t come back from. 

And Rook, his darling little Deputy, tried to hide it from him. 

“Shh, shh my dear. I’m sorry, I know it hurts, but I- I have to keep the pressure on,” he said, frantically pressing the torn scrap of his shirt against the bleeding wound in her thigh, even when the very movement was agony for him. He’d gladly ignore his own pain in favour of hers.

But even as he pressed, Rook didn’t flinch - it had to hurt, was she trying to be brave? John breathlessly gasped apologies but she wouldn’t even meet his gaze, biting down on her wobbling bottom lip as she stared instead at the sunset, the golden beams of light filtering through the trees. 

She answered his unspoken question a moment later, in a trembling voice softer than the breeze, “It doesn’t hurt anymore, John.”

His world stopped spinning.

“I-it’s cold. That’s bad, isn’t it?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat as she tilted her head back to face him. Her face was pale, silver tear tracks and smudges of blood staining her cheeks. Still, she tried to smile for him, but all he could see was that helpless understanding that gleamed in her eyes.

John shook his head, ignoring the tears that welled up in his own eyes. “No,” was all he said as he shifted himself closer, ignoring the searing ache in his chest as he awkwardly pulled her into his arms.

For once, she didn’t say a word.

“You’re gonna be fine, sweetheart. We’re gonna be okay.”

Lies, pretty little useless platitudes. It was all he could give her now.

“Someone had to see…” he couldn’t bear to finish the sentence, trailing off into a fit of coughs. Sure, somebody might have seen Affirmation falling from the sky, a plume of smoke rising from her engine, but even if they cared enough to come, they wouldn’t reach them in time - not in the dense forests of the Whitetails. 

He almost didn’t feel Rook’s lips brush against his collarbone, so featherlight was the touch. “We almost made it, right?”

John’s eyes squeezed shut as his grip tightened, his shallow breaths rattling in his chest. “Yeah,” he said in a shaking voice. “We almost made it.”

Was this punishment for turning his back on his brothers? For thinking that he could possibly deserve a happy ever after? Or was this some kind of twisted justice for the many, many sins he’d committed in the name of the Project?

“Do you…” she paused, and John knew that she wasn’t trying to find the right words, but rather gather the strength to keep talking at all. “Do you think, if things had been different…” she trailed off, but he understood well enough.

In another world, a different time and place with no Project and no fighting, when he wasn’t the product of hateful parents and years of abuse and she wasn’t standing on the opposite side of it all, would they have had a chance?

If he shut his eyes he could almost picture it. Maybe he’d still be a lawyer, or maybe some hotshot pilot, but he’d be different… happier, maybe. And Rook, he’d catch sight of her across a dimly lit bar talking with a friend, or maybe she’d have that little bakery she sometimes talked about and he’d stop by one day with a sudden craving for brownies and cake. He’d see her, their eyes would meet across the room, and he’d be utterly done for. 

Some part of him would look at her, beautiful and captivating, and he’d recognise home. It wouldn’t matter what he was doing or where his life was going, he’d look at her and know. He’d take her on beautiful dates - with dancing and wine and laughter that lasted well into the night. He’d even bring her coffee in bed the next morning. He’d woo her with everything he had, for once, John would _try_. He could imagine taking her home to meet his family, Jacob with his crass jokes and playful teasing, Joseph with his calm, welcoming nature. She’d be right at home there in their little family. There’d be anniversaries and birthdays, eventually a wedding - happy celebrations with her by his side.

Of course, it wouldn’t be perfect. They’d argue and sometimes inevitably hurt each other’s feelings, but in the grand scheme of things those bad days would be nothing more than a blip on the radar. They’d grow old together, maybe have kids.

Truthfully John had never been sure he wanted children, but he’d built his Ranch with plenty of bedrooms and extra space, and the thought of having kids with her… he realised with an ache in his chest that he wanted it more than almost anything. A little girl with dark brown curls and pretty blue eyes, a boy with his mother’s smile and, undoubtedly, her temper too.

He’d be happy, and by God he’d make it his mission to make her happy too. He’d love her with everything he had - it’d be impossible not to. She’d be the single, shining light of his life. They’d live out their lives together, make their own family. They’d never know fear, or violence, they’d never have the love that they’d fought for ripped apart by the cruel hands of fate… 

It was a nice dream, but nothing more than that.

“I’d find you, you know that right? No matter where you went, I’d find you.” He coughed again, blood tainting his lips as he pressed them against her cheek.

“I love you, I always will,” he whispered.

Rook didn’t reply.

What little of his heart remained shattered, and suddenly the pain in his side that got worse with every breath didn’t matter. Nothing did.

As he wept into her hair, clutching her body close, John understood with cold finality that nobody was coming to save him, and even if they did, there were some injuries you couldn’t come back from.

It wouldn’t be long now.


End file.
